During Thursday night’s long press conference, Biden said, “Name me a world leader who wouldn’t want to trade places with our economy.
Things are moving. We’ve got more to go. Working-class people still need help. Corporate greed is still at large.
He added: “I’m not in this for my legacy. I’m in this to complete the job I started.”
Biden? Harris? I don’t care. Stopping Trump and Project 2025 is all that matters.
Biden Speech:
Fine, President Biden. We, the extremely important and knowledgeable pundits of America, will allow you to continue.
But if you want us to stop calling for you to step aside, you’re going to have to pass the following additional tests:
Do another prime-time, no-holds-barred press conference, but you must answer the questions while juggling.
It would be unfair for the American voters to not know whether they are voting for an 81-year-old Democrat who is unable to answer questions intelligently AND juggle.
From your opponent, former President Donald Trump, we will demand he do no formal press conferences and we’ll ignore the fact that he rarely makes any sense at all.
Because physical challenges are crucial, we will demand that the president appear before The New York Times editorial board to do no fewer than 100 pushups.
Anything less is disqualifying and will require us to call for a new candidate, preferably someone with impressive pectoral strength.
While the president’s press conference performance aided his claim that the presidential debate was “one bad night.
We feel it crucial that he take at least one hot-pepper challenge, consuming at least five ghost peppers before a live national audience.
He will also need to commit at least 10 felonies without a water break. And to be fair, we will insist former President Trump successfully stand without falling for three minutes.
Finally, President Biden, you must survive a climb up Colorado’s Pikes Peak, followed by a successful journey through what we’re calling “The Ring of Hellfire.”
